Those of you who know me will be aware that I am, on a daily basis, becoming increasingly fucked off with people in general. I feel constantly let down by my fellow humans. That's if some of them are human at all, because I'm seriously beginning to wonder.
We've all got our pet hates, and it'd be fair to say that I have more than most people. I assume it's part of getting older?
Anyway.
Recent Annoyances:
Why do I have to wait for ten minutes at my local to get a pint?
Why, when I half-jokingly complain (because despite your inability to be altogether effective in your role, I do concede that you're generally likeable) that I've been waiting for ten minutes, do you always look at me like something that just dropped out of a dog's arse and say: 'Well, I'm working on my own', or 'I was running food', when really what you mean is that you just suffered an horrific triple fracture of your eyelash and it required immediate attention or the whole world would suddenly have come to a shuddering halt.
Why do young men have hair styles that actually belong on young women?
Why can't I park my car without a spotty PCSO (with one of the above hairdos) telling me that my rear bumper is hanging over the mong space by four inches? If the people using the mong spaces drove those little blue invalid carriages like they used to instead of government subsidised dribble wagons they'd HAVE ENOUGH ROOM, wouldn't they!
Why do women drive 4x4 vehicles? Do they all live on farms? Or are they just pretentious cock gobblers who delight in the corpulence of their husband's wallet, while all at the same time feeling it necessary to share their deranged delusions of grandeur with the rest of us? I'm rather leaning toward the latter.
Facebook
Now, Facebook just irritates the bloody life out of me. Not so much the concept itself, more the fact that people tend to play out their whole lives on there for the whole world to see.
I don't care if you've split up with Marvin.
Or that the reason you split up with Marvin is because Kaz told you he shagged your best friend, her mum, and her dog. Twice.
I don't care that you're back 'in a relationship' with Marvin because you found out that the part about him shagging the dog belonging to your best friend's mum wasn't true. Or at least that's what Kaz's friend, Shaz, told you.
I don't give a fuck that Kaz is a lying bitch.
And I won't give a fuck when, in 9 months time, Shaz'll be up the stick with Marvin's sprog because they both turned out to be unmitigated liars, and the night Shaz was watching Marvin allegedly shag your best friend, her mum, and the dog (twice), he was actually shagging Shaz and Kaz.
I don't give a fuck about Farmville, and no, I don't want to join in And stop fucking poking me.
I always assume the reason you're putting an invite to your 'party' on Facebook is because none of the people you spend any time with on a daily basis can be arsed with you when you're sober, never mind drunk. Moreover, you need to get an idea of numbers so as you know whether to book the Savoy or just stick with the telephone box as planned.
Honestly, it's absolutely mind-numbing. I just want to know if there are any REAL people out there?
Hello? Hello?!
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