You are selling something.
The last thing I want to be doing the moment I park my arse down to start eating my dinner is some spotty gimp in a crap suit making me get up again so that he can explain (badly) the benefits of having new windows.
Is it not blindingy obvious to you salesmen that my windows do not need replacing? Do you not know your own product well enough to bloody well notice these things?
THREE times in the last week you twats have knocked on my door when I'm doing something vastly important, like scratching my bollocks or polishing my paperclips.
'Good double glazing can save hundreds of pounds on your heating bill, mate...'.
Firstly: Are you obliquely suggesting that the £4k I spent on my windows was a waste of money?
Secondly: MATE? Bloody MATE? I'm not your mate! I wouldn't piss on you if you were on fire!
It's really quite simple. You not making me open my door only to let all my heat out so that you can have the opportunity to orate your useless scripted drivel would save me not only money off my heating bill, but the complete waste of many minutes of my precious existence on this planet that could have been spent doing things other than watching you waft your clipboard about.
What part of 'I'm not interested' do you people not understand? Is it me? Do I speak some alien language you cannot comprehend? And don't ever greet me with the 'We're not here to sell you anything, don't worry' crap the second I open the door either, because that gets my back up right away.
If I ever have the need to make use of a Gardener, Roofer, Everest Windows, Aspen Windows, Rag & Bone man, Lucky Heather lady, or Npower, I'll ring YOU. That's what the Yellow Pages is for.
Ask J.R. Hartley.
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